Princess Dreams

I suppose it's easy to pretend that you're someone you're not. In essence people do it all the time. The version of yourself that you display at work is not the same version you display at home.

In my childhood, I often dreamt of being a princess. Some may say that is just the typical dream of any little girl dreams of. But mine were my way of escaping the hardships that my father put me through.

From the time I was little I was mentally and emotionally abused by my father. My parents divorced when I was 4 but I still had to spend time with him on weekends. Whatever I did or didn't do was never enough for him. It got to the point that as an 8 year old I would dread going to his house. I would flinch when someone called my name. And burst into tears at any point.

It didn't help that I was bullied constantly in elementary school. My life was a living hell when I was at school. I was safe when I was at home with my Mom and Grandparents but any where else was hell for me.

So I made up this amazing little story. One day I would meet a prince often one who looked like Prince William. And later on he became Matthew Macfadyen. He would fall in love with me right away and sweep me off my feet offering me his hand and heart and every other possession he had. Promising that he would never hurt me physically (like the bullies did) or emotionally (like my father did) That dream saved me more times then I can count.

Don't ever tell a little kid that their daydreams are stupid or idiotic. Because that day dream may just be saving that child's life.

What Isn't Said...

People seem to think that they can tell me all about themselves and any of the issues they may or may not be having. I don't have an issue with that.  I never have. It's just that up until now I've never really had anyone that was willing to do the same with me aside from family. 

My best friend is the first person outside of my family who's ever listened to what I'm feeling. Alot of the time I feel bad for throwing all of that on her, because it's not her issue. But she's always been there for me and I do hope that she knows how much that means to me.

I've never said what I was feeling. And in all honesty no one has ever asked. It always made me feel bad. Like I wasn't important to anyone. Thankfully my best friend has changed that for me. But sometimes I still feel myself slipping into those old habits. 

I just hope that anyone who is reading this, sees that life is not easy for everyone. Even if they look happy and amazing and carefree on the outside they could be hurting real bad on the inside. So please everyone. Take a moment and really ask someone how they are. You don't know it...but you could be saving someone.